It’s always fun to imagine how the coolest characters in television and film might fit into the iconic Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and how they might carve out their own places at the alma mater of Harry Potter and his golden trio. And as a show that is already rooted in the supernatural, the characters of Hemlock Grove seem like they might be a good fit at Hogwarts.
However, Hogwarts might not be a great fit for them. Hemlock Grove is definitely on the darker end of the supernatural fantasy spectrum, and if Roman, Peter, and the rest of the Hemlock Grove supernatural residents suddenly showed up on the doorstep of Hogwarts it wouldn’t be surprising if half the student body were dead or at war with one another within a week. But if the characters of Hemlock Grove were sent to Hogwarts, which house would they belong in, and which house might hopefully whip them into shape?
Johann Pryce - Ravenclaw
Dr. Johann Pryce has certainly engaged in enough dubious behavior to qualify him for a slot in Slytherin house as well, but ultimately this sneaky doc belongs in Ravenclaw. As Olivia’s right hand man, Dr. Pryce has done a lot of amoral things in service of his vampire mistress, but he has also accomplished things that even your average doctor wouldn’t dream possible. Upirs have seemingly been struggling to manage their physical needs in a way that is inconspicuous and ideally less dangerous, and even though they’ve had hundreds of years to work things out it seems like Dr. Pryce is the only person to even come close.
Christina Wendall - Slytherin
Christina Wendall’s rampage through Hemlock Grove left more than a few bodies in her wake, but we need to give credit where credit is due. At least she’s the kind of clever and cunning girl who figures out exactly what she wants and how to get it, and damn the consequences.
Honestly that kind of planning would probably warrant a spot in house Ravenclaw, but Christina’s extraordinary level of cruelty and selfishness really sets her apart. The mere fact that she decided to maul and devour her supposed “best friends” should show how cold and self absorbed Christina really is.
Letha Godfrey - Hufflepuff
It’s rare that you ever find someone who seems to be perfectly tailored to a specific Hogwarts house, but Letha Godfrey seems like she was tailor made to be a Hufflepuff. Letha is kind, loyal, loving, accepting, and very family oriented. She has a tendency to see the good in people, even if it’s not readily visible to others, and many of the people she cares about or calls friends seem like the types who don’t take a shine to people very often. Letha’s kindness seemed to come back and bite her in the end, so while she is suited for Hufflepuff she probably isn’t suited to Hemlock Grove.
Miranda Cates - Hufflepuff
Interestingly it seems like Letha Godfrey and Miranda Cates are two sides of the same coin, so it would only make sense that they wind up in the same Hogwarts house too. Miranda is considerably wilder and more carefree than your average Hufflepuff, but she’s also very accepting and has a way of charming a lot of different people with her sincerity. She’s not the type of girl who probably ever pictured herself as a parent, but she slipped into Roman and Peter’s lives very easily and took to caring for Nadia pretty quickly (and she was even the one to give Nadia her name).
Norman Godfrey - Ravenclaw
As another one of Hemlock Grove’s resident doctors, it only makes sense that Norman Godfrey would wind up in Ravenclaw if he ever went off to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Norman is undeniably a smart man and is probably the reason why the Godfrey family became the success that it was, even if he didn’t really reap much of the benefits.
And had he been more suspicious or understood what horrors people were truly capable of, he likely would have figured out Olivia’s game long before he did, unfortunately he just underestimated what she was willing to do and couldn’t see what she’d already done.
Destiny Rumancek - Gryffindor
Hemlock Grove’s favorite Romani witch would undoubtedly fit right it at Hogwarts, and every Hogwarts house would probably be dying to have her. And she would likely be the definition of a hatstall; she’s definitely as cunning as any Slytherin, as loyal as any Hufflepuff, and as clever as any Ravenclaw. But ultimately it has to be her unflappable courage that sets her apart. Hemlock Grove is a town full of absolutely terrifying mysteries and dangerous monsters, but Destiny is never one to back off from a challenge. In fact, when most people would be running away, Destiny is usually running towards.
Shelley Godfrey - Hufflepuff
It seems like the people who are treated the most cruelly by the world wind up being the kindest, or at least that is certainly the case with Shelley Godfrey. Olivia seems to have a nasty habit of murdering all of her children that aren’t born in the caul, but Shelley seems to be the only one who has survived Olivia’s murder attempts.
Olivia’s distaste toward her is clear, and nearly everyone else around her lets their distaste be known as well. But she is unbearably kind and accepting towards everyone she meets, and everyone who truly knows her seems to adore her.
Olivia Godfrey - Slytherin
Sometimes you find someone who would fit into any Hogwarts house, sometimes you find someone who seems like a perfect fit for one particular house, and sometimes you find someone who belongs in a certain house because literally no other Hogwarts house would willingly take them. Olivia Godfrey is clearly one of the latter. Olivia is an absolute master of manipulation and will do literally anything to get what she wants, and her list of sins is pretty much as long as her unnaturally long life. She’s smarter than some to be sure, but what has really gotten her further than almost anyone else is her sociopathic disregard for anyone who isn’t her.
Peter Rumancek - Gryffindor
Hemlock Grove is a TV show that really doesn’t have any particular hero, but that’s not necessarily for lack of trying. Peter Rumancek has shown himself to be comfortable with legal and ethical transgressions in some circumstances, but he seems to have a moral fiber that many of the other characters are lacking. When he falls for Letha he doesn’t hesitate to step up and willingly parent her unborn child, and even after she’s gone he feels a lot of personal responsibility towards Nadia. And he’s definitely a brave one, the pain that he had to endure to fight the vargulf was no joke and he put himself on the line to save other people.
Roman Godfrey - Slytherin
As desperately as Roman tries to distance himself from his psychotic mother, unfortunately the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. Roman is arguably a slightly better person than Olivia, but he is still looking out for himself above anyone else, and will do what he needs to do to help himself at almost any cost. He does have a select few people he cares about, but he thinks nothing of manipulating them to get what he wants from them or to ensure that they continue see him in the way he wants them to. He’s dangerously cunning, like any true Slytherin.
